Black Cock Addiction

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Bdsm

This is a true story about my sexual experience. To anyone who’s reading this, I hope you it helps you figure out your own sexuality and what you want for yourself in life.

To introduce myself — I’m a 26 year old white guy, and I’d describe myself as straight, masculine, and very good looking. I have a fairly dominant personality and I’m a member of the US military. I’ve fucked a lot of beautiful girls and had several threesomes.

And somehow, along with all of that, I also have a serious addiction to black cock.

How did this addiction start?

I’ve been fantasizing about black cocks and jacking off to the idea of getting fucked by black guys since I was 18 in high school. Whenever I wasn’t fucking my girlfriend at the time, I experimented a lot with different masturbation techniques. I pretty quickly realized that sticking things up my ass and stimulating my prostate when I orgasmed felt amazing. Around the same time, I got my own computer in my room and started watching porn pretty much every night.

I would sit there stroking myself for hours, perusing through all sorts of different porn genres. For some reason, I really got into straight anal scenes. I think it was because my girlfriend didn’t want to have anal sex yet and it was kind of taboo. I loved watching the expressions of shock and pleasure on the girls’ faces as those huge cocks slowly impaled their cute little asses. I started watching more and more anal until that’s pretty much the only porn I was watching. I’d stay up until 11:00pm on a school night and be exhausted the next day for soccer practice because I was jacking off so much.

At some point, I think I started to relate more with the girls in the porn I was watching and the pleasure they were getting from these huge cocks than the idea of being the guy fucking them. After all, I was already sticking things up my ass in the shower and having the most intense orgasms I’d ever experienced. Anal sex looked like the hottest thing ever because of that. At this point, I never even considered the idea of being gay, bi, or even wanting to have sex with a guy. I just knew that anal stimulation felt good and was constantly reinforcing that association by watching anal sex porn all the time.

Then, I started to notice how big and thick the cocks were in interracial anal scenes. I started to fixate on those big, black cocks and how much those women were enjoying getting fucked by them. Eventually, I was watching exclusively interracial anal sex scenes and was fantasizing about being those women. I’d never been attracted to a man my entire life, but sitting at the computer with my dick in one hand and the mouse in the other, I was spreading my legs apart and imagining a handsome, muscular black man slowly pushing his cock into my eager ass. I started to form this incredibly powerful bedava bahis association between black cock and the overall pleasure of sex.

I still didn’t think of myself as being even bi-curious — the whole fantasy was all in my mind.

One day, I stumbled across a Literotica story that made me start to think about what all this porn and jacking off was doing to my head. It was about a gay white guy who met three black guys at a club and ending up getting triple penetrated by all three of them in a hotel room. I was as hard as a rock the whole time I was reading it. I wasn’t touching myself at all, just reading the story and seeing how long I could wait before I had to start jacking off. My dick started to leak a massive amount of precum, more than I ever had before, and my boxers were soaking wet. I couldn’t believe what was happening to my body from just reading this story. I was panting very softly and my heart was pounding. Then, the character in the story came without touching himself. The thought of cumming without touching my cock like a horny little slut pushed me over the edge. Right after I finished the sentence about the character in the story, I came too. A lot. I came harder than I ever had before, without even touching my dick. Some of my cum went straight through the fabric of my boxers and spurted all over my desk.

It felt amazing at the time, but after the pleasure subsided I started to wonder what the hell this meant. Was I gay? I had never been attracted to another guy before, in any way. I loved my girlfriend and loved having sex with her. My self-identity was, and still is, as a straight, dominant male. How could I reconcile that with wanting to bend over and get pounded by black cocks in my pornographic fantasies?

I didn’t have an answer to that at the time. I ended up continuing to watch more and more porn and read stories about white men and women being pleasured by black cocks. I was clearly already addicted to the pleasure of my black cock fantasy in high school, but as I continued to watch porn in college I ingrained that habit and that conditioning more and more into my brain. It was like Pavlov’s dogs — sometimes I would start to get horny just listening to rap music or watching basketball. Black men and their cocks had come to represent the ultimate sexual pleasure to my conscious and unconscious mind.

At this point, I was pretty much aware that I had something like an addiction to black cocks and interracial porn. And I knew that it was bad for me. It was taking up too much time to jack off all the time, and I’d sometimes start thinking about black cock while I was having sex with girls. It felt wrong — not because of the stigma of being gay or bi, but just because my sexual fantasies and the way I was acting, behaving, and presenting to society were completely bedava bonus incompatible.

I made a few attempts to stop watching porn and see if my sexual appetites would change, but that usually only lasted a few months before I was feasting my eyes on black cock porn. I had a real, serious psychological addiction. Eventually, I decided that I needed to try black cock for real. I wanted to do this for two reasons — first, I had been fantasizing about black cock for years and wanted to feel that pleasure in real life. Second, I wanted to try and make up my mind. I thought that I would either try cock and love it, confirming that I was bisexual, or know that it wasn’t for me.

I ended up posting an ad on Craiglist with the title “I Have a Black Cock Fantasy”. I got a bunch of responses and got incredibly horny checking out all the dick pics and reading messages from all these black guys who wanted to fuck me. Eventually I decided on this one guy, and he picked me up in his Corvette. He was really nice and cool, and we had a few beers at his condo before we got into things. We were sitting on the couch, and when I finished my last beer I got down on my hands and knees, took off all my clothes, and starting crawling over to him with a smile on my face. I had liquid courage and years of fantasies in my head to help my confidence and creativity, even though it was my first time.

He gently touched my face and pulled me closer to his crotch. I licked his half-hard cock through his pants. He slowly pulled it out, and all of sudden I had the black cock I’d been dreaming about for years dangling in front of my lips. I was so excited that I tried shoving it into my mouth all at once, and choked a little bit when it hit the back of my throat. I was finally living out my fantasy.

But after just a few seconds of sucking cock, something felt wrong. It wasn’t as fun or pleasurable as it looked in all the porn I’d watched. I’d had girls do this to me plenty of times, but I never realized how uncomfortable it can be and how hard it is to breath. The whole thing started to feel like a chore that I didn’t want to go through with. Eventually he came in my mouth and I tasted cum for the first time. It was bitter and salty, definitely not something I wanted to savor.

He ended up wanting to fuck me afterwards. We lubed up and he started sticking his cock inside me. He was probably 7.5″ — 8″ and pretty thick. I was hoping that this time, my ultimate fantasy of being fucked in the ass by a beautiful black cock would feel just as good as it looked in porn. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. It hurt, it was awkward, and he didn’t cum for a long time. I wasn’t even close to cumming without touching myself, like I hoped I would. I wasn’t even hard.

“Holy shit, this is awful. Is this what girls feel like when they’re deneme bonusu having sex with a guy and want to leave, but can’t? None of this has been enjoyable so far.” Thoughts of disappointment and confusion flooded my mind. I definitely wasn’t gay. But I also felt a sense of clarity and relief afterwards, when I left, feeling like I finally answered my own questions about who I was sexually.

A few weeks later, though, I started watching black cock porn again. My brain still had that almost unbreakable association between black cock and pleasure, and the porn I was watching kept reinforcing that. Eventually, I tried fucking one or two more black guys when I was feeling particularly horny and curious. I had the same disappointing result — I wanted to take the pleasure I got from porn to a new level, and instead it was uncomfortable and not enjoyable at all.

This is basically where I’m at today. I know I’m still addicted to the idea of black cock, and I’ve gotten horny just thinking about some of the experiences I’ve shared in this story. But living some kind of double life where I feel straight but masturbate to black cocks isn’t for me. I’ve stopped watching all porn, and when I jack off, I focus on thinking about all the hot girls I’ve fucked (or the ones I’m fucking now 🙂 ). I’m trying to break this addiction because I know it’s healthier for me in the long run. I don’t have any regrets about the whole experience, and I definitely learned what it feels like to be the submissive/female partner in the bedroom. I think that’s made me a better lover when I’m fucking a girl.

Aside from my specific situation which started off with anal stimulation, I think there are a couple of reasons why me, and a lot of other white guys like me, want or think they want black cock.

First off, there’s the pretty legitimate stereotype that black men have big dicks. Big dicks have a powerful association with fertility, dominance, and pleasure. Second, there’s a specific subculture of fascination with black cocks and black mens’ sexuality within American culture. I think that comes mainly from the history of slavery and racism. There’s this idea that white people who get fucked by black men are committing the ultimate act of submission, and that black men are somehow getting revenge for slavery/racism by fucking white people. Basically, there’s this perfect storm of racism and dominance/submission in black cock porn that can lead straight white men into thinking they want black cock.

In my opinion, all of that is pretty pathological and unhealthy. I personally believe that porn can shape or alter a person’s sexuality, creating fetishes and desires which may not be natural or good for the person consuming it. That’s what happened to me. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being gay or bi or loving black cock, but if that’s what you want, decide that for yourself without the influence of porn. It’s just not good for you, and it really can become a psychological addiction. Feel free to write/comment if you want to talk about anything in this story or have any questions for me.

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